Warning: This fanfic contains some "interesting" content. Actually, no, this is basically a parody of most over-the-top, cheesy romance fics. You have been warned.

Do you really need the clock set? said the annoyed Heero.

Come on Wufei we want to watch the movie, persuaded Duo.

Duos right! I want my Mononoke! whined Quatre.

Nataku always instead on having the clock set, she was the only truly strong woman I have ever known. . Oh, how he missed her eyes, her hair, and her love. Many a night Wufei stayed awake as he recalled memories of his now dead wife, almost bringing himself to tears over the pain of his sorrow and loss. He found it quite ironic that he was getting emotional as a woman, just because someone died if Nataku were here today, she would most likely laugh at him. But Nataku deserved to be cried over, remembered, honored; it was for this reason that he changed Shenlong Gundams name to Nataku.

At that point Wufei left the house to go for a ride in Nataku, to clear his head. He wasnt about to watch no girl-type chick flick. As he climbed into his Gundam, Wufei muttered about how he missed Nataku, hated Duo, and weaklings and then had quick rant about justice just to cheer himself up.

Wufei noticed the perfect thing to lift his spirits even higher: a mobile suit. Of course by now the Gundam Wars of AC 195 were long over and the poor guy was just going out to pick up some chips from the local 7-11.

NATAKUUUU!. And that was the last anybody ever saw of Dick Clark. And he looked so young, too.

What is it Dammit?! Wufei yelled. He had suddenly heard noise, but it was most likely just a voice in the back of his small sexist mind. Its almost like my Nataku was here with me. No, Im probably just hearing things, just ignore it Wufei, he said to himself as he flew on into the vastness of space.

Dammit! Man, Im right here! screeched a certain voice, a voice which Wufei couldve sworn he had heard before.

Its almost likeHEY! That wasnt just my mind!

Im right here with you, I always have been cooed the same voice as before, which had now taken on a much softer and gentler tone.

Huh? What? Duo, if this is one of your tricks you are so going to die!

Goddammit man! Look behind you.

As Wufei looked behind him, he saw a certain pair of eyes. He recognized these eyes; they were much like his own. Yes, they were the eyes of his beloved Nataku, his wife, Merian.

Is thatit is! Oh Nataku where have you been? But. How? I-I thought you were dead!

Werent you listening man? I SAID Ive always been with you. Nataku had taken on a slightly more ornery tone. She looked into her loved ones confused and joyous eyes. Then she opened her mouth and moved closer to him, DO YOU EVER LOOK BEHIND YOURSELF YOU STUPID MAN? Ive been in the back of your Gundam since who the hell knows how long!

Thats my Nataku as strong as ever, said Wufei, the happiest hed been in a long time. The past doesnt matter anymore, not. not anymore.

Oh Wufie-kun

That name only sounds strong when coming out of your lips. Kiss me Merian.

MY NAME IS NATAKU! MERIAN IS A WEAK NAME! with that she hit him on the head. And besides first we have to do something Nataku, Merian, his love whispered into his ear.

Anything for you.

We have to get married you perverted man!

Guh?

Well, being in this Gundam all this time has given me time to do some research. And the guy who married us in Vegas didnt have a license. Should have known men are such an untruthful lying bunch

Umm ah Were not married? Wufei stuttered at the shock. First his love returns from the grave, now THIS. Ummm, were almost home I just have to land.

Typical

Wufei pulled the massive Gundam into the parking garage (after the war Gundams had become very popular and most parking facilities now were built to accommodate them). Wufei unlocked the door to his humble abode.

This is myerOUR apartment. Wufei quickly corrected himself. He remembered how it didnt take much to get Nataku emotional. Her favourite emotion was anger.

Its beautiful, but I HAVE to know your thoughts about marriage. Do you still love me? her voice trembled. Shed been waiting all this time for an answer.

Of course! But I dont know about marriage right away. I think we should live together for a bit, Natakus face changed what expression is this? he wondered must be disappointed. Just for a bit. until weeryou get used to this place, and me

Oh Wufie-kun! she collapsed on his strong shoulder. Then her expression changed to one Wufei knew well: anger. Its all or nothing. Take your pick man

Youre right MeriNataku, Ive just been all alone for so long, with out anyone to love. Lets get married! Wufei was still uncertain about the marriage prospect but if it meant keeping Nataku, hed do anything. He wouldnt lose her a second time.

Nataku! Where are you?! He was in a panic. Where was she?

BEHIND YOU!

Oh. I always forget to check there.

I can tell, she laughed. How hed missed that laugh of hers. It wasnt a high-demented giggle like that of most other girls. It was beautiful, yet it was strong.

Wufei smiled and looked into her eyes. She put her soft hand on his chest and leaned against him. Wufei had been without love for so long, hed forgotten how beautiful life could be.

Lets get married, right now. Wufei said, and at this comment Natakus big bright eyes lit up. I know just the guy to do the job for us.

Thank you Wufie-kun, my Wufie-kun she looked up and met his gaze. Now, youre SURE he has a license?

Yes, Im positive. Well, lets go then exclaimed Wufei, being the happiest he had ever sounded, ever. He chuckled to himself shes the only one who can say WufIE so its soundsright

'Stupid man! Cant he look behind him? cursed Nataku to herself.

Back at Heeros house, the movie was just ending, and Quatre was getting rather choked up. Duo had long gotten tired of trying to follow the plot and had started playing Mario 267 on his portable N64. The others were still lounging on the couch watching the movie.

Duo, why dont you get a better system? Trowa has a portable N6400 Heero had gotten tired a long time ago of the endless repetitive background music from that infernal game.

Hey, you cant beat the classics, Duo smiled to himself. He was only playing this ancient game because he knew how much Heero hated it.

Suddenly, the door flew open and Wufei walked in with a woman. He had the same expression as always, but there was a certain glitter in his eyes.

Maxwell! Marry us!

Wha-what? inquired the very confused Duo.

I found the love of my life, and were getting married. I want you to perform the ceremony! answered Wufei.

Wufeis getting married! Im sooo happy for you Wufei! Quatre started crying, overcome with way too much emotion. He knew he couldnt handle a happy movie coupled with something (anything) else happy happening. Plus he always cries at weddings. A fact that many of his sisters knew all too well.

Wow buddy, whod a thought that you of all people would be the first to get married!

Congrats Trowa said as he got up for some more Pepsi.

Heero looked at his friend, he was serious. Have you thought this through? This wasnt like Wufei at all. The Wufei he knew likes to think things through and have a strategy. But this? After he had only been gone for about two hours?

Thats right, Trowa was having the same thoughts as Heero Youre not usually one to have marriage on the mind

Shes a very pretty bride Wufei Quatre said, sniffing with every other word.

How much did a chick like that cost anyway? Duo was serious. He then walked up and poked Nataku in the chest, just to see if she wasnt inflatable. Yup theyre realheh heh SHES real

HOW DARE YOU WEAKLING TOUCH MY NATAKU! AND HOW DARE YOU OTHER WEAKLINGS DOUBT OUR LOVE! INJUSTICE! PURE INJUSTICE!

The pilots fell down from the shear force of Wufeis ranting, NOW MARRY US MAXWELL!

LETS MOVE IT YOU WEAKLINGS! I WANT A NICE WEDDING SO START DECORATIONG! Natakus voice filled the room and made the pilots hearts skip a beat. There were scared. This quiet, Chinese woman just turned into a female version of Wufei. They all shuddered at the thought.

Walking away Duo whispered to Heero. Kind of like a Wufei but with breasts huh?

Wait Maxwell, Im so sorry about how Wufie-kun handled the situation. Come here. Her voice was normal, cute and sweet, almost like that of a dove. Duo skipped over happily knowing he must have won her heart with that single touch. This requires force, ranting will not do her voice turned evil again. She stared into his terrified eyes Wufie-kuns told me a LOT about you she said with an evil grin on her face. TAKE THIS! she clenched her small hands into fists. With a quick jab to the gut Duo was down and with tears in his eyes But hes still not crying she thought to herself hitting him over the head with both fists together.

Boys dont cry, groaned Duo in agony.

Well see about that, said Nataku.

Now marry us Maxwell Wufei said looking down at the near unconscious, moaning, American. Then he looked over to his bride-to-be who was smiling sweetly. I love you.

After Duo had regained sight and consciousness and the others their breath the *cough* cough* festivities started.

Duo, wearing his priest collar, started the service, looking at Nataku then quickly looking away whenever shed stare back at him. Whenever hed look over to his old buddy his mind would go blank. He just cant believe WUFEI of all people would be the first to get married. Duos mind works in odd little ways; the fact that Wufei might love this woman never really came to mind. He was thinking more along the lines of some Sailor Moon-esc monster has possessed his friend. Thats it! The evil Negaverse is at work! Better try to mentally contact Sailor Moon! thought Duo. Of course even IF Sailor Moon was Psychic, Duos mind was not capable of such high thought power. or even minimal thought power.

I guess I pronounce you husband and onna heh heh *smack* Owwie I mean husband and wife

They came closer together. Their lips touched. They were now bound together. Till death do they part.

Duo ran off. Partly because he didnt want to get hurt again and secondly, he was about to get sick from seeing two Wufeis. It was just too gross.

Back at home, Wufei carried his blushing bride over the thresh-hold the fell over some shoes that hed left by the door.

Well this is OUR new home onna

Ive missed that nick-name husband she looked down at the floor and the walls. Walls covered with pictures of his Gundam What do you call your Gundam?

Nataku, I named it after you when I thought I lost you forever. Wufei said looking around, seeing if things looked different now the he was married.

Oh wonderful she said sarcastically So you replaced me with a big metal robot with big feet.

Well it wasnt as good as the real thing but I wasjustum... *THINKING *THINKING *THINKING. GOT IT!* I thought youd like it! he cried quickly.

Yeah, well, thats just great. That robot looks like a man. Why would you think Id want a big ugly thing like that named after me?

Wufei had a conundrum on his hands, no one talks about his Gundam that way, and after all its named after Nataku. What do I do if its Nataku making fun of Nataku? Wufei pondered, is head in extreme pain. Umm, sorry onna

Thats fine, but I have to ask. Is this your ONLY home? Nataku said, the wheels were turning in her larger but equally sexist mind.

Of course, why?

No, no, no! This will NOT do. Youre buying a house for us. A nice one. With a pool. She commented in a disapproving voice.

B-but why? Its only us two?! Just then Wufei thought oh boy youve just dug your own grave and its not going to be comfy.

Nataku laughed but not her normal laugh this one was far morehow should I saysinister. Yah thats it. Well, were going to have lots of children, arent we? Lots of little girls. No boys, too loud and messy. So what are you waiting for Man? Theres a paper right on the table. Go look for a real-estate ads.

Alright but first I have a mission

HA! Theres no way youre going off on any more missions and leaving me with the housework. Cooking, cleaning, thats all mens work

Well I wanted a strong woman, he said to himself.

Dont talk under your breath some how Natakus didnt sound aslovely as she did before.

At Duos apartment, everyones favorite American had a dilemma on his hands (or some other body part).

Dammit howd I get THAT stuck in a beer bottle?

Umm I, the narrator wasnt talking about that. Flash forward 20 minutes.

Im worried Quatre. Duo sat forward in his chair, griping the phone tightly in his hand. And its my fault.

Are you talking about your rash or Wufei? Quatre asked.

WUFEI! Hes been possessed by the Negaverse I tell ya! Duo stood up and walked around the room, mainly because he couldnt stay still for over five minutes.

And youve tried contacting Sailor Moon, right? Quatre was concerned, mainly because Duo WASNT talking about his body parts for once. This must be serious.

Of course, that was the first thing I did. What should I do? My killer psychic powers arent working!

Maybe we have to call her Eternal Sailor Moon, or maybe if shes not transformed right now she cant get your message.

Good idea! Bye. Before Quatre had time to say goodbye Duo had hung up. Using all his will power he tried to contact their savior. He rubbed his temples and chanted, Usagi Tsukinoanswer my criesand will you go out with me? Duo thought of Usagi then quickly added in And save Wufei?

Suddenly the ground started shaking and a bright light filled the room. Eternal Sailor Moon! I knew youd come! Duo yelled as he ran towards the pounding on the door. Duo opened the door and Wufei fell onto the floor exhausted. As Wufei lay there Duo wasnt mad that this wasnt the pig-tailed beauty he had been expecting, but why? Duo looked at Wufei lying there on the floor, breathing hard. He looked at Wufeis soft skin and

Wait! I, the narrator will not allow this to become a yaoi. *kick Mr. Yaoi (the scourge of Gundam fics) out the door. Ok Carry on.

Maxwellthank God

Married life THAT bad? Cause youre happy to see me said Duo. But soon again, Duos mind was filled with thoughts of Sailor Moons bust and how she should burst through the door any minute now. Oh yeah, and how she has to save Wufei. Its only been about 3 or 4 hours since the wedding.

Three hours, forty-five minutes and, Wufei looked at his black-market Rolexxx, and thirty seconds

What happened? Duo looked at his friends beaten face. *He didnt look like a Negaverse monster* Come on, you need a rest. Duo helped Wufei up and led him the couch where he collapsed again. Go to sleep now buddy, I know what to do.

About three hours later Wufei woke up to a sight hes never thought hed see. Duo and all his other friends were in the room. They all had come because they were concerned about him. This was so nice of them they brought things with them too. Beer, small billsa scantily clad woman?!

Oh sh1t Wufei muttered to himself.

Bachelor Party, Buddy!

Im sorry, friend Wufei, but we couldnt hire a lady-friend for your party on such short notice, so I had to ask a favor. Quatre turned around to the women who lay in the shadows. Quatre gulped and then whimpered, Come out Dorothy

The Sailor fuku was MY idea Duo wanted to make sure hed get the recognition he deserved.

The whip was my idea Trowa said in his normal monotone voice.

Dont feel bad Quatre-kun, you can make it up to me? Dorothy winked at Quatre and snapped the whip and chuckled at Quatres whimpers.

Heero stared up the sexy music (dont worry kiddies, I wont disturb you with tales of her eyebrows), and Dorothy moved closer to Wufei, Dont worry I wont be roughnow later on with Quatre on the other hand...

Wufei was about to sick. Was it Dorothys face? The suggestive comments she was making about Quatre? Was it the unwanted mental images? The unwanted physical images? Maybe it was the fact that Nataku was going to kill him when he got home. D: all of the above said that little voice in the back of his mind.

Wufei was predicting this was going to happen, and almost on, cue the door opened and in walked Nataku. She looked at Wufei, at the complete and utter terror in his eyes. Next she would have looked at Duo or the others but they had long fled and cowered in dark corners. Even Dorothy was kicking people out of the way for a good hiding place.

Well, Wufei Her glare could have turned poor Wufei to stone. She tilted her head to the side to hear the occasional thats my spot from under tables or corners. Of course Duos place was a one-room basement apartment so she was within arms length distance of everyone.

Well I Wufei choked. Then a hand passed him a paper and Wufei as a last resort read. My dearest name hereah! I mean Nataku, you are the sunlight that brightens my universe...

Its pure cheese, and its Hallmark Duo whispered the Heero who was hiding beside him.

Wufei continued, glancing at the nervous Duo hiding behind the empty birdcage with Heero. If it wasnt for you my love, my life would have no meaning. So please forgive me and hope that one day I can forgive myself

Nataku looked at him. Even though it was from a card she could tell he meant it.

Im sorry Nataku, I wont even try to explain my self Wufei looked down at the floor.

Nataku looked around, she knew Wufei would never do something like that. Go to the Gundam, and warm it up. Ill put my ship on auto-pilot, so we can ride home together

Yes maam. Wufei was relieved and walked out to the Gundam.

The door closed and Nataku regained the glint in her eyes. She looked like a demented iron chef as she scanned the room, Now whos responsible for this? she said, looking directly into Duos trembling eyes.

Please dont hurt me, Duo said as he raised his hand Dont draw blood, Quatre gets scared easily.

There are lots of ways to kill a man without drawing blood. Her eyes moved to Dorothy I know just the place for that whip. And Ill deal with the rest of you in due time.

Trowa yelled out It was Duo!

Kill Duo maam

Hes always talking about going to Hell anyway

NO! Heero already wants to die!

NO! Dont! I bruise easily!